The Xmen Present: Snow White
by Chellerbelle
Summary: The story of Snow White, X-men style. Includes cast and narrator commentary. Just for laughs.


**AN: **Well the next story was going to be _Aladdin_, but I was having a hard time with it. So instead, I managed to whip up _Snow White_, of which I had 11 requests for, in a night (if only _Aladdin_ was that easy *sigh*)

Requested by:

AngelF18  
Random Reviewer (anonymous)  
SuniGyrl  
feralfairy  
rogueslove22  
DevilishBea-Anime-Couple-Lover  
Still Dazzled  
Mysterious-Eve  
LokoNicole (anonymous)  
A Rogue Without Her Remy  
coup fatal

Enjoy!

* * *

Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away there was a Queen who longed to have a daughter. Now it happened one day, that she pricked her finger on needle as she was sewing and as the three drops of blood splashed on the ground, the Queen made a wish. She wished that one day she would have a daughter with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and eyes as green as emeralds.

* * *

"Oh gee," said Kitty. "I wonder who that could be."

"It's not eyes as green as emeralds," Rogue insisted. "It's supposed to be hair as black as ebony."

**Minor detail.**

* * *

Now it happened that the Queen did have a daughter, whom she named Anna Marie. Sadly, the Queen died in childbirth. Thus King Scott took a new wife, the beautiful Jean, who was extremely vain.

* * *

"Wait, I'm the King?" Scott asked, surprised. "Wait, if Jean is my second wife, who was the first one?"

**Umm... Taryn.**

"Me?" Taryn said, pointing to herself. "Seriously? My first appearance in any of these stories and I'm dead already?"

"At least you're not the evil Queen," Jean said in disgust.

**You'll get over it.**

"You think you have it bad?" Rogue scorned. "I'm his _daughter_."

"Oui, I think ma chere wins this one," Gambit decided.

"Hey!" Scott objected. "I'm not that bad."

"Uh huh. So, Roguey, what to you say we take this out back and I provide you with a little of my DNA?" Gambit asked, wagging his eyebrows at her. "Ought to make up for having Scott DNA."

"... That is the worst line ever," Rogue informed him.

* * *

Every day Queen Jean would look into her Magic Mirror (proudly brought to you by Cerebro Inc) and say:

"Magic Mirror on the wall,  
Who's the fairest of them all?"

And the Magic Mirror would reply:

"You, my Queen, are fairest of them all."

* * *

"Queen Jean," Kitty giggled. "It rhymes."

"Cerebro Inc?" Rogue repeated. "I like it."

* * *

The years past and Queen Jean continued to ask her Magic Mirror the same question every day, and every day she would get the same answer. Until one day, when Anna Marie was 16 years old:

"Queen, you are full fair, 'tis true, but Anna Marie is fairer than you."

Queen Jean fell into a rage, and once she'd calmed herself she called for her huntsman, Logan, to take Anna Marie into the woods and bring back her heart.

* * *

Logan growled.

"Hey it isn't me!" Jean objected. "I'm not the one writing the story here!"

* * *

Thus it was that Logan escorted Anna Marie into the woods. As they travelled deep into the forest, Anna Marie picked wild flowers.

* * *

"Aww so cute. Roguey picking flowers," Gambit teased her.

"Shut it, Swamp Rat," Rogue glowered at him.

"Shut it for me."

"Well, if you insist..."

"Great," Jean said. "First we couldn't get them to start, now we can't get them to stop."

* * *

However, when Logan approached to make the blow, he found he couldn't.

"You must run," he told her. "The Queen seeks to kill you. Run, run for your life."

Scared by his words, Anna Marie ran. Logan killed a deer and presented its heart to Queen Jean to appease her.

* * *

"Yes, because the body parts of dead animals appeased me," Jean said dryly.

"See? She admits it!" Gambit declared.

* * *

Meanwhile, Anna Marie had come across a little cottage in the woods. Feeling tired and worn out, she approached and knocked on the door. When there was no answer, she let herself in. After a brief exploration of the cottage, she made her way upstairs and fell asleep on one of the seven beds she found up there.

* * *

"Breaking and entering, huh chere?" Gambit asked. "I approve."

"I dunno," Rogue replied smartly. "Sounds like just entering to me."

* * *

Now it happened that the owners of the little cottage came home, seven dwarves by the name of -

* * *

"Ooooh!" Kitty said happily. "I know this one! Doc, Happy, Bashful, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey and Sleepy."

Rogue leaned into Gambit.

"Should we be concerned that she was able to name them all off the top of her head like that?" she asked.

Gambit snickered.

* * *

Kurt, Bobby, Sam, Roberto, Ray, Jamie and Evan. To say that they were most surprised to find a girl asleep in their home was putting it mildly, but after hearing Anna Marie's story, they were happy to let her stay with them, as long as she kept house. Anna Marie agreed to this arrangement.

* * *

"If you ask me, the dwarfs are getting the better part of that arrangement," Gambit said. "Who wouldn't want a belle femme to wait on them hand and foot? So chere -"

"No," Rogue replied.

"I just keep picturing you in that French Maid outfit from _Beauty and the Beast_."

* * *

Back at the castle, Queen Jean attended her Magic Mirror:

"Magic Mirror on the wall,  
Who's the fairest of them all?"

And once again the Mirror replied:

"Queen, you are full fair, 'tis true, but Anna Marie is fairer than you."

"But, she's dead now," Queen Jean insisted. "I have her heart right here!"

"Nay, that is the heart of a deer."

"Then where is Anna Marie?" she demanded, her eyes narrowed.

"Deep in the woods, where seven dwarves dwell,  
There you'll find Anna Marie, alive and well."

* * *

"Oh good," Gambit said. "I prefer my Roguey alive and well."

"Nice to know, sugar," Rogue replied.

* * *

Deciding she was better off taking care of things herself this time, Queen Jean disguised herself as a peddler, and when the dwarves left for their work at the mines, she approached the cottage.

"Yes?" asked Anna Marie when she opened the door. "Can I help you?"

"I'm selling these lovely apples," said Queen Jean. "Juicy, red apples, fresh from Phoenix Orchards."

* * *

Gambit snickered.

"Phoenix Orchards," he repeated.

* * *

"Yes, they do look lovely," Anna Marie agreed. "But I'm afraid I don't have any money."

"Aww, never mind deary," Queen Jean replied and handed one over to here. "Here, have this one for free."

"Why thank you."

Anna Marie took the apple, however, the apple had been poisoned and the moment she bit into it, the poison kicked in, and she slumped to the ground in a heap. The Queen laughed wickedly and departed. When she got home she asked the Mirror who was fairest and once again the Mirror told her she was.

* * *

"My Roguey," Gambit said, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight. "Do you want me to beat up the old witch -"

"Hey!" Jean objected.

"- for killing you, ma chere?"

Rogue giggled.

* * *

Later the dwarfs arrived home and were horrified to find Anna Marie collapsed on the ground. They rightly figured that the Queen had gotten to her after all, but unable to revive her, they created a glass coffin to lay her in.

Now it happened that Prince Remy came by and saw the coffin -

* * *

"This is a rather popular little cottage in the woods," Gambit mused. "Why am I there?"

**Umm... the Prince owns the mine that the dwarves**** work at and was coming to check in on progress?**

"Why is the Prince doing that and not a lackey?"

**Because he was on his way home from another trip more suited to his princely status.**

"I can live with that."

**You think about this too much.**

"Says you."

* * *

Prince Remy was deeply captivated by Anna Marie's beauty and asks the dwarves to give her to him. Reluctantly they agree.

* * *

"Y'know, I know ma chere is beautiful and all, but I do have to wonder about a Prince who's attracted to corpses," Gambit said.

"The Swamp Rat does raise a good point," Rogue mused.

"I mean, I'm a lot of things, but a necrophiliac isn't one of them."

**Just be glad I'm not going to make you kiss her to wake her up like they did in the Disney version.**

**

* * *

**

Prince Remy's people lifted the coffin, but as they did so, there was a slip, and the piece of apple that was caught in Anna Marie's throat was dislodged -

* * *

"Wait, I thought that the apple was poisoned," Scott said. "Not that she choked on it."

"Plot hole!" Gambit declared.

**You know what? That's true. It makes no sense. Hang on, let's do some retconning shall we?**

* * *

So Prince Remy's people lifted the coffin, but as they did so the smallest of the team, Laura, slipped. Her hand smashed right through the glass -

* * *

"I would never slip," X-23 grumbled.  
**  
Work with me here.**

* * *

Her hand smashed right through the glass and touched Anna Marie's skin. As soon as contact was made, Laura began to feel weak, but Anna Marie's eyes opened.

* * *

"I absorbed you!" Rogue giggled.

**I figured we'd go with the 'poison that only makes it appear that you're dead' option. X-23's healing factor took care of it.**

* * *

Suffice to say everyone was very excited to find that Anna Marie was very much alive after all, and Prince Remy asked her hand in marriage on the spot. Anna Marie agreed and they returned to his home. The word was spread that Prince Remy was getting married and preparations were made.

The next day, as always, Queen Jean addressed her mirror, but instead of her customary reply, she instead was told:

"Queen, you are full fair, 'tis true, but Prince Remy's new bride is fairer than you."

After having gone to all the trouble of getting rid of Anna Marie, it was fair to say that Queen Jean was not happy to hear this at all.

* * *

"Not happy Jan!" Pyro declared.

Everyone looked at him like he was odd. He sighed.

"Never mind," he said. "It would take too long to explain. Just write it off as an Aussie thing."

* * *

She was quick to accept the invitation to the wedding when it arrived.

Finally the day of the marriage arrived, and when Queen Jean's eyes laid on Anna Marie as she walked down the aisle, she recognised her instantly, and in her shock, fell down dead.

* * *

**The End.**

"What?" Kitty asked. "No happily ever after?"

**Nah, this story ends with the vain Queen dying.**

"Great," Jean muttered.

**You should be happy you weren't made to wear hot iron shoes and forced to dance to your death, like what happened in the original fairy tale.**

"Esh, that's sucky."

**That's what I thought.**

"So, Roguey," Gambit said, cupping her face in his hand and grinning mischievously at her. "About you getting some of my DNA?"


End file.
